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Boston Globe Pitchbot

@BostonSatire

Having a laugh about everything wrong with the shining city on a hill | Parody account, not affiliated with The Boston Globe | For the people

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calendar_today08-02-2022 16:38:04

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Authorities say the mask-clad, gun-toting Mass. license plate, some 12 inches wide, stormed into a quaint New Hampshire general store, racked a shotgun at the shopkeep, and yelled “Gimme all ya f*ckin’ change guy” before fleeing in a beat up Mercury Grand Marquis back to Lynn

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According to a source, Bob Kraft FaceTimed Arthur Blank during his interview with Bill Belichick, pulled his pants down, and panned the crack of his ass with his iPhone, telling the 81-year-old Falcons owner that *this* is what having Bill as your coach everyday looks like

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Report: Instances of Bruins players being robbed by blind, corrupt, biased officials down 3000% since Jack Edwards retirement

Report: Instances of Bruins players being robbed by blind, corrupt, biased officials down 3000% since Jack Edwards retirement
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Opinion | The fact the Patriots wouldn’t even write out Bill Belichick’s name in a birthday post is a classless look

by Felger & Mazz

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Opinion | Scottie Scheffler had a magnificent performance, recording a -11 and winning The Masters, sure, but did he win the wrong way?

by Felger & Mazz

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Report: Hope for Mass. “Happy Hour” between 4 and 7 PM at restaurants dashed as Legislature renews Mass. “Miserable Hour” between 6 and 8:45 AM at Dunkin’ Donuts

Report: Hope for Mass. “Happy Hour” between 4 and 7 PM at restaurants dashed as Legislature renews Mass. “Miserable Hour” between 6 and 8:45 AM at Dunkin’ Donuts
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Report: Biden rushes back to White House to watch if Collin Morikawa will edge Scottie Scheffler at The Masters with his national security team

Report: Biden rushes back to White House to watch if Collin Morikawa will edge Scottie Scheffler at The Masters with his national security team
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The Shah of Iran and President Jimmy Carter once had dessert at Mike’s Pastry in the North End in 1977

by Only in Boston

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“We can’t say for certain if Iran has WMDs, but if the US doesn’t step in between Israel and Tehran, we won’t the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud”

- GOP frontrunner Nikki Haley, 2027

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Mass Appeals Court to determine who State Police should determine liable in traffic accidents where one driver is a state senator’s son and the other driver is a state judge’s son

Mass Appeals Court to determine who State Police should determine liable in traffic accidents where one driver is a state senator’s son and the other driver is a state judge’s son
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Report: “Shut the door on your way upstairs and tell your mother I’m trying to pay the fuck attention to golf,” dads say

Report: “Shut the door on your way upstairs and tell your mother I’m trying to pay the fuck attention to golf,” dads say
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Opinion | As I now transition from an H5N1 virus expert to a Middle East drone attack expert, allow me to walk you through why Iran’s strategy will likely…(1/544) 🧵

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They travelled 4,000 miles to Boston for the marathon. But the big race issue they came here to deal with isn’t the one that’s 26 miles long

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John Henry showing up to Fenway after the pickle ball courts and concert hall bring in more money than the Red Sox without an expensive roster that gets injured and leaves in free agency

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