bro i straight up know ur ass is not placing at le mans

i wish they sold "a bag of cilantro" at the airport for me to eat

boss is out today so I'm filling in and people keep coming into the office and asking, "What are we supposed to be doing today?" and all I can say is, "We'll find out tomorrow, bright and early"

fell asleep for awhile on the couch after work and dreamt it was a million years but woke up and the sun was shining golden through the shade and it'd only been three or four years

mistook this amber street lamp for the harvest moon once more

When I hear somebody screaming, “Angel!” I know I’m in the right spot. “Angel! Get over here! Angel I didn’t spoonfeed you to stab me in the back! Angel!!”

walked by some mewing catolescents earlier

I recommend you get a cheap booklight and clip it to a small dotted, not lined, pocket-sized notebook balanced vertically not horizontally on your belly and that you write a bit of a story, semi-propped up in bed, in the dark, before you go to sleep, using a blue bic pen

at my moms house and wanted a drink but all they got is some tequila from when grandma died many years ago and it was bottled in Kentucky

All great horror films take place in the woods. The best example being: Alien (1979) which takes place in the woods of space.

Next Tuesday, I’m going to be talking about DIY methods of publishing and how to keep this stuff fun. Free to join