Having my needs met: Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!! Admitting that I have needs & expressing them: Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck.

How much spinach I start with vs how much is left after I cook it.

Nancy Pelosi is 84 and wearing stilettos and I have refused to go to a concert unless there are chairs since I was like 26

me going back to school in minnesota so i can get free breakfast and lunch

DNC surprise tonight is that Freaks and Geeks is coming back.

Let’s be honest, if the surprise guest is Riley Reid…

YOU LITERALLY ELECTED A CELEBRITY

I bet the special guest has been stuck trying to back out of a Trader Joe’s parking lot for the past few days.

this is just a photo of a chicken cutlet that’s been sitting at bottom of my freezer for 17 years.

I mean “all I wanna do is BANG BANG BANG *cash register noise* and take your money” pretty much sums up the far right.

Things that don't kill mosquitoes: 1. Windex 2. Hairspray 3. Throwing things 4. Screaming

Venmo me $10 and I'll comment on your ex's Instagram: “Finally! Thank you for promoting realistic beauty standards ”

The “I dunno, I just forget to eat” type of people fascinate me. Absolutely has never happened to me.

"I don't like movies with subtitles" -people who can't stop looking at their phone for more than 5 seconds

Replacing my Brita filter.

if your tupperware looks like this, you don't need to worry about the capital gains tax.

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck

They banned plastic straws before assault rifles.

Thoughts and prayers to all goths during a heat wave.

I love when it gets really hot outside and everyone takes a screenshot of the exact same app we all have in our phones.