Henpecked Hal(@HenpeckedHal) 's Twitter Profileg
Henpecked Hal

@HenpeckedHal

Welcome to parenthood. Yes, it's possible to have the worst day of your life before 6:00 AM. https://t.co/jv3VQ5CW4O

ID:3332077285

linkhttps://twitter.com/i/events/1166021317033787392?s=21&t=JXHY6eu-LEfmvD8NSWr33A calendar_today25-08-2015 01:06:17

36,7K Tweets

137,2K Followers

1,9K Following

Follow People
Henpecked Hal(@HenpeckedHal) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Babies sneak into your home using your wife like a human trojan horse. Are those the actions of a 'precious angel'? I think not.

account_circle
Henpecked Hal(@HenpeckedHal) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Came dangerously close to playing 'Herman the Worm' when my kids weren't even around today. Shit has burrowed into my brain.

account_circle
Henpecked Hal(@HenpeckedHal) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Parenting is one of the few jobs where experience is borderline worthless. That trick you used on your oldest last year won't work on your youngest today. Hell, that trick you used on your oldest this morning may not even work on your oldest this afternoon.

account_circle
Jessie(@mommajessiec) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Nothing shocks you quite like finding out your friend’s younger sibling is an adult with a job and family and is not 12 years old anymore.

account_circle
The Dad(@thedad) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Dads love sitting in the car with the engine running while the rest of the family's still in the house getting their shoes on...

Ok, maybe 'love' is the wrong word, but is sure is something we do

account_circle
Henpecked Hal(@HenpeckedHal) 's Twitter Profile Photo

My sister and I have a deal: if I walkie talkie her from my Apple watch and say, 'Hey, Siri, is the park open now?' she replies, 'Sorry, but the park is closed for maintenance.' If she walkie talkies me asking about the zoo, I reply that a lion escaped its cage & is on the loose.

account_circle
Henpecked Hal(@HenpeckedHal) 's Twitter Profile Photo

daughter: what are you making me for lunch?

wife: your dad's making your lunch

daughter: did I do something wrong?

account_circle