His daughter has earned 13 CIF State patches and decided to pull out of her favorite race yesterday, because of a boy.
“These girls are discouraged, they feel hopeless and they’re quitting…Stop taking things away from our little girls”. #TitleIX

If you can’t laugh during sex you’re doing it wrong

idk man just gonna tell you what they told me, don’t do something that will get you arrested and maybe you won’t be.

I either look like I walked out of a magazine or out from under a bridge. There’s no in between.

Tiktok has bestowed insane amounts of confidence to people who shouldn't have any.

The day you left us,
was the day the whole
world dimmed a little.
But the sky stole back
an entire constellation.

Believe me I'm not super conservative. I only seem that way when I'm compared to the hippie fruit loops on Twitter

society has really declined since we stopped putting gargoyles on our buildings

When one door closes, just open it.. No one said it was locked.

Good morning to everyone except people who don’t use turn signals.
Fuck you.

When I buy booze, I get vodka that burns going down so I’ll remember it’s strong stuff and only drink a little.

When she buys booze, she gets whiskey that tastes exactly like peanut butter cups, and then I wake up six days later in the penguin enclosure at the zoo.

Make me want to put my hair in a ponytail

I lose respect for people faster than I lose my keys.

You're the pulse in my veins, when the rest of the world fades to a blur

Is it me or do you sound like you need to get stabbed again?

Just saw a hitchhiker. Put your thumb away, sir. We all watched that Rutger Hauer movie. You’re walking to wherever you’re going, and maybe you’ll be too tired to frame someone for murder when you get there.

It’s almost as if these people don’t think we’re smart enough to notice that we no longer can afford to eat.

does this coffee make me look alive?

just filled out a questionnaire about my mental health, i should have just written “i’m on twitter”

let’s drive into the middle of nowhere with the music turned up