⛪️ Dear Pastor Carmichael, Jesus does not approve the dust bunny beneath your lectern. MT

Bullseye.

I sense my Grudge Rolodex is going out of fashion.

Pandas are back in the news. I think the universe is getting back on kilter.

I’m a childless cat lady. (Also, l saved my nephew’s life.)

Behold the most reliable technology to conduct a successful live interview:

This coffee isn’t strong enough for my day’s pettiness goals.

Please be quiet. I am watching the television.

I am mad for plaid.

IF I HAVE TO COME UP WITH ONE MORE PASSWORD, IT WILL HAVE NAUGHTY WORDS

Sometimes one needs the cacophony of The Cheesecake Factory.

Who wants a hot dog?

Fran called. She says they'll put us on the TV if we tell them we're undecided voters.

I have not witnessed more cat and dog fiction since my childhood.

I have grudges older than you.

Someone’s not in church this morning.

Bake it off.

I have been informed velour track suits are in. My work here is done.

Nothing makes me crankier than a gossip deficit.

Ranch dressing is our national treasure, although I'm partial to Thousand Island.