60 minutes should be called "60 minus the length of football going over it's allotted time minutes"

How am I supposed to Netflix and chill when my chill partner has the closed captions on? It's like I'm reading a novel over here.

I wrote this when Nathan went to the potty.

Greentextsarebetter#

I’m going to start a cooking channel where I cook a dish and then DON’T orgasm when eating it

You Christians are obsessed with snow on Christmas

I dare you to watch this short 60 sec video twice through and give it a like and a comment: youtube.com/shorts/HGHTfmX…

Gin January makes more sense than Dry January

Okay fine, I’ll start gambling since Kevin hart is telling me to.

Someone should check out President Lincoln's Cottage in Washington DC to see if there's any classified docs lying around.

Can I be the iron from the board game Clue for my D&D character?

Sex and the city was a lot more city than sex. And to prepubescent Alex, it was a huge disappointment.

Is it rude to ask an accountant when they knew it was their dream job?

I hope everyone’s ill conceived notion that the movie Up is a concept that could actually exist in a country with a military industrial complex like the USA’s has been put to rest.

Is it weird that I’m still masturbating to M&M’s even though they’re not traditionally sexy anymore?

Don’t you think Hooters yelp pictures should mostly be of the waitresses? No creep

Okay I give up. Where’s the clit?

Would it be a funny bit to try to get a GED even though I have a high school degree and a bachelor's degree?