Shout out to Mississippi, which has produced more creative geniuses per capita than any other state.

[finger to ear] I'm being told the delegate from Lousiana is negotiating with the DJ and has agreed to cover the fine if they let the band play Neck

That’s big gretch

man, i miss the grove

🎶YYYYYYEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHH 🎶

d…did i manifest this

Unfortunately a lot of our welfare funds went elsewhere. Brett Favre’s pocket, to me, is elsewhere

The guy in the middle can still hug his kids though

This is what Tyra Banks used to make girls do five minutes before she shaved their heads, called them gaptoothed, then sent them back to the Midwest forever

i'm fucking crying

wandering into my virginia tech group chat

LOWER THE RIM

Somebody needs to write the Glen Powell/Matthew McConaughey raunchy brother sports comedy. I can’t do it, because if I write it I’m gonna make them KISS

coming to you live from a packed elementary school gym where it’s 30,000 degrees and everyone is taller than i am, my 10-year-old included what has two thumbs, knows limited french and is absolutely going to faint at open house

i keep trying to tell y’all that your 30s are so much better than you expect and you just keep calling us hags 💀

“she read the materials beforehand and asked why we wanted her to do something” “omg so prosecutorial” “i know right”