“And a crusty old man said I’ll do what I can, and the rest of the rats played maracas.” 😂 I’ll give you $5 if you know where this is from. No Googleyyyyy

My dog is VERY disturbed. Tina Fey

Getting your wellness back on track really just means more dishes and more loads of laundry. I do not approve.

Why is society still making jokes and marketing campaigns about “breaking the internet”

Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only person in the world who likes raisins

Half of my grocery delivery today was cheese

My husband keeps the house so cold that I contemplate climbing into the oven for warmth

I ordered frozen onion rings, frozen tator tots, and frozen garlic fries this week in my grocery delivery. Maybe I’ll make like an appetizer sampler and have a happy hour with my dogs

How many of y’all see a new bb leaf sprout on your house plants and say “Ooooo look!! A new leaf! She’s thriving!” I say it every. Damn. Time. 🌱

I have bought 6 pairs of shoes in quarantine that will be out of fashion by the time I can wear them

Just said “I like that lamp” 3 times in the same episode of @Succession_HBO. I either have a strange obsession with lamps or the set designer is 🔥

Do y’all think 2020 is happening because I didn’t forward that email 15 years ago

Are leather/pleather jackets still cool or nah? I’m honestly not sure

Can we all stop pretending that running is fun

Pro tip 🔥 If you have trouble getting your daily intake of water, just eat something spicy 🌶

Adulthood is when you view your vitamins as dessert because they are gummies

Today’s anxiety is brought to you by: How many times I said “fuck” in front of my in-laws during the Pittsburgh Steelers game.

I truly believe she is the cutest dog in the whole world.

Do you guys ever wake up with a word stuck in your head? This morning’s word for me: occipital ridge

You know you’re maybe too much of an introvert when you prefer to take 20 flights of stairs instead of making small talk in the elevator