Just. Wonderful.

My phone goes bonkers with emergency alerts for boil water notices and phone lines being down. Where's the shelter in place order? Where's the COVID info link alert? My phone is quite quiet. The main street outside my house isn't as quiet as I'd expect, though. Essential workers?

the streamer Kitboga's terrifying window into COVID-19 scams: wired.com/story/kitboga-…

State of OR: schools closed, taxes pushed back, DMV closed w/ fines suspended, hospitals giving mask making kits to volunteers to sew. Stay at home, we'll reduce numbers & get through this. Subaru dealership: We have refined the contactless experience! Schedule a service today!

Day 17 of active self isolating: I have learned I'm malleable on culinary preferences. For instance, I'm all for diagonal cut on bread for sandwiches, but when it comes to toast with eggs, cut down the middle. I'm shocked by this discovery and have further self searching to do.

Her: What do you like in bed? Me: Oreos, maybe some pretzels I guess

You're essential ❤️

"Are you mad at me?" "No, just grumpy. Wanna be left alone." "Nothing I said or did upset you?" "Nope. Just leave me alone, please." "Ooookaaaay." Proceeds to make microwave popcorn, burning the everliving out of it, filling the house w/ fumes. "...Okay, now I'm mad at you."

Hello, I'd like to place a grocery order for delivery. I get that you guys are crazy busy, so whenever works. Great! I have your account up & needed items here. Looks like... We are fully booked & can't schedule a delivery any time in the foreseeable future. Cool. Good talk.

I just secured a grocery curbside pickup appointment for next week and it's the most excited I've been in awhile. I'm gonna ride this high all day.

It's a little dense, but this has a lot of good info with links to sources about testing limitations. Yep, it's written to instill confidence for clients to continue business w/ this company, but I worked for ARUP. They're good people. I trust them. aruplab.com/news/4-13-2020…

Me when I see fellow mask wearers out and about after getting side stares from the occupants of the five cars parked at my neighbor's house.

My housemate had their Netflix account compromised. Something like 13 people were using it after an info breach. One dude decided he wanted sole access & changed the password. When we couldn't log in, we reclaimed the account, kicking off everyone else. Don't be that guy, guys.

I was trying to send a text about ducks, but my saved autocorrect defaulted to something else. I've never been so proud. Me: 1 Tech: 0

There was online ordering mishap. I now have 3 tubs of guacamole and a single yogurt cup. You know what? I can make this work.

If you haven't watched Middleditch and Schwartz on Netflix yet... My goodness. I am so sorry. Are you okay? Can I help in any way? Obviously some terrible happenstance has befell you... Befallen you... Befuhhh...nanahed you? Okay, I suck at this, but they really don't. Watch.