I take comfort in knowing that the RNC won't have enough money to pay for the lawyers they'll need to steal the election, because they've spent every last dime paying for the lawyers required to keep their candidate out of prison.

At least they're finally being *useful* idiots.

It's not about population. It's about regionality and culture. NYC is the East. LA is the West. Chicago is the Midwest. The fourth city should be of the South, and while a strong case could be made for Houston, I feel like the right answer is Atlanta.

"Indie sleaze" also implies the existence of "mainstream sleaze," and I'm fascinated by the potential of that aesthetic.

So, when do we get our hands on the Project 2025 hiring database? We're gonna need that leaked pretty soon so we can blacklist every last one of those lunatics until the end of time.

I know coke talk when I hear it. Elon and Donald might as well be sitting around a mirrored coffee table at three in the morning, blowing monster rails, covered in flop sweat, annoying everyone else in the room with all their grandiose unhinged yammering.

A Quiznos spongmonkey stares up through a sewer grate at all of the frightened Subway franchisees. The little bug-eyed, human-toothed, top-hatted creature begins eerily singing, “We all float down here. We had a pepper bar.”

No white person with any form of tribal tattoo should ever be allowed to wield state power. Usually this applies to cops, but this trash monster is a perfect example.

Democrats are celebrating white people taco night, and Republicans are desperately trying to make it seem like reverse racism. I am thoroughly enjoying the lightly-seasoned irony.

"A quest to encourage more births" is such a lovely way to describe eugenics.

They will call it Kamalanomics, and it will be glorious.

These dorks have never seen a cool person in their sad little lives.

I mean, sure, we'll take the universal healthcare, the student debt relief, and the middle class tax cuts, but first thing's first. The Democratic National Committee owes each and every one of us a Beyonce and a Taylor Swift concert performance.

Director of the Federal Bureau of Nepotism

I'm happy for Oasis fans, but I'll be over here waiting patiently for Daft Punk.

Google "American Redoubt" and prepare to be horrified.

Lara Trump is a Bratz Doll who wished to be a real girl back in 2001. The countless syringes of Botox and Restylane she’s had pumped into her face are the least toxic part of her. She is objectively the worst Trump, because she willingly chose to be a member of that family.

We're not fans, you dizzy twat. We still hate that bastard. We're just mildly impressed when objectively evil people are willing to put country over party to save us all from something legitimately worse than themselves.

I don't accept your premise, but in good faith, there is a simple concept that might help you understand: Traitors are worse than enemies.

I wish some of my fellow twitter leftists weren't so humorless and insufferable. We agree on damn near everything except for the role of social media as praxis. Righteousness has to be lived, not performed. This is why the left can't have nice things.