I wasn't lucky enough to see Roberto Clemente play before he died, so I have no special claim on him, but the occasion of the great man's 90th birthday seems as good a time as any to mention that I'm low-key outraged anytime I see him referred to as "Bob."

RFK Jr. sounds like he just crawled out of Death Valley to hold this press conference suspending his campaign. Some throat-lozenge manufacturer needs to throw all its media buys at campaign season.

I’ve reached the age at which things often hurt for no apparent reason or one can injure oneself in the stupidest way imaginable, and I’m not saying I’ve done this already, but I can absolutely see how one could dislocate a thumb while removing it from a glove.

Tim and Gwen Walz met and fell in love while teaching at the same school and once shared a classroom divided by a partition, and I don't believe we've paused to appreciate what a solid IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT reference that is — "the Walz of Jericho," if you will.

Shout-out to my Kindle for always trying to sell me the book I literally just finished reading.

I may have just ovulated looking at this photo.

I never followed Oasis closely, so now that they're coming back I need a quick refresher. Is one of the Gallagher brothers the obvious villain in that dynamic, or are they both twats?

Winona Ryder is four years younger than I, and in her new Criterion Collection Closet Picks video she said, "There's a phrase the kids use: 'if you know you know,'" and it was a dagger to my heart.

I honestly haven't been thinking about the NFL season much until tonight, but it hit me during pregame that if Aaron Rodgers gets injured again Monday night, it might be the funniest thing that has ever happened in this league.

If I were the Ravens, I’d simply stop lining up illegally on offense. #BALvsKC

Holy shit. I can't even be mad at that Zakhari Franklin catch. That was incredible. #KUvsILL #RockChalk

"The enemy of my enemy is my friend" is just a polite way of saying "I'll deal with you motherfuckers later."

Christian Bale is the best Batman, but Michael Keaton IS Batman. Like, if I threw up the signal in the night sky, Keaton would probably show up. He’s that committed to the bit.

"Hi, Brent. The status of your order has changed to 'Shipped.'" [clicks through to package tracker] "Shipping Label Created, USPS Awaiting Item" E-commerce outlets, these are two separate statuses. Stop treating them as though they're the same thing.

Nice shout-out to the Wharton School — Trump's alma mater, as it were — by Kamala there. #Debate2024

I'm 35 minutes into REBEL RIDGE on Netflix. Not only does it have the most efficient opening in narrative-film history, not an ounce of fat on it (kudos, Jeremy Saulnier), but Hollywood needs to make Aaron Pierre a star, like, yesterday. Run, don't walk, to watch this.

Find one thing in life at which you excel the way I excel at DVR'ing movies I never get around to watching. Except, you know, maybe aim higher.

Oh, the enduring and immutable folly of man: the belief that he can remove fresh sheets and pillowcases from the dryer the instant it stops, rush them to the bed a mere 15 feet away, and spread them out before they wrinkle.