Me still patiently waiting for a presale code to land in my inbox #OasisLive25

Lots of clubs strengthening their forward line: Liverpool signing Chiesa, Arsenal signing Sterling, Man United loaning out Sancho.

.ticketmasteruk I’m trying to get on your site to purchase some Scouting for Girls tickets but can’t seem to get on. Everything ok?

#oasisreunion

Oasis ticket 2000: £27.50 Oasis ticket 2009: £38.30 Current price on the ‘official’ Ticketmaster site: £358.10 Get to absolute fuck!

I really fancy Man United to get a result against Liverpool later. Probably a 5-0 loss, but it’s a still a result.

Casemiro looks fucked. Needs some caffeine quick. Nevermind Casemiro, we need Caffè Nero!

For someone so active on Twitter we’ve not heard a peep from Liam Gallagher since Oasis made their return. The bloke would normally be tweeting ‘BUMBACLARTS’ or ‘BIBLICAL’ every couple of days. Tell you what’s biblical mate, your fucking ticket prices.

Have you ever felt like you had an itch on a part of your body but when you’ve gone to scratch it you realise that the origin of the itch is from a completely different part of your body? I’ve just got rid of an itch on my right forearm by scratching my left ankle.

Just told my barber that I’m happy with my haircut whilst feeling a deep inner sadness inside.

I asked my girlfriend if I was the only one she has been with. She said yes, all the others were nines and tens.

My girlfriend asked me to put Ketchup on the shopping list. Now I can’t read anything.

What an absolute fucking phoney. Watch this and then consider the ‘cash grab’ antics from the same man during the ticket fiasco. The same kids he’s talking about can’t afford a fucking ticket you greedy gobshite.

Disappointing that Lee Carsley wasn’t wearing a poppy yesterday and refused to clap for the NHS. Should be given a life sentence, and also sacked.

Is the colour Orange called Orange because of the fruit Orange or is the fruit Orange called Orange because its colour is Orange?