The Pope's Exorcist's Hitman's Bodyguard. Is that anything?

For those of you who don’t believe in God…explain to me Mount Rushmore. Those presidents just randomly also being mountains? God is at work! Happy Sunday.

I'm a traditionalist so I don't celebrate Halloween season until September starts. How do I celebrate Halloween season? Well, by linking to my book of spooky stories for comedy fans but marketed to kids. Perfect for either, both, or neither! amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS…

English Teacher is good. I like it.

"If they were really your homies, they wouldn't diss your girl." -Weezer's mom

Secretariat had a Lincoln named Kennedy. Is that anything?

Instead of just polling people who are gonna vote against their own and everybody else's interests, while you've got them on the phone, maybe talk them out of it. You're not David fucking Attenborough.

I wish that the top post debate conversation was about whether she should have gone ahead and said "mother fucker."

ODDJOB: Ow, dammit! I just cut my damn palm open. ODDJOB'S HAT TRAINER: It happens, buddy. Do you want to go back to the practice hats? ODDJOB: I... no, it's okay. ODDJOB'S HAT TRAINER: Proud of you, buddy.

I guess Trump really fucked the couch last night.

If it's not too late, someone get this spec tweet to James Gunn

This Kickstarter I know made Deadline. Will YOU for donating to it? One way to find out... deadline.com/2024/09/rosari…

As we enter All Hallow's Season, if you're looking for someone to read a story from their book of silly campfire tales in your comedy show or on your podcast, hit me up.

Imagine if the best thing anyone could say about you is that you've screwed up mail-in voting in North Carolina

Had an amazing time at the Gen X gestalt that was the Soul Coughing show tonight