We are such a funny little species. Some of us collect seashells. Others like to "maximize revenue"

Obsessed with this one baby hippo that looks fucking MORTIFIED

Making my own pickles out of garnishes I stole from a bar and selling them on Facebook marketplace because I’m an awntrapanoonoo

My dryer quit so at least I don't have to finish laundry

Seppuku is for boys Sokushinbutsu is for the girlies

I’ve always loved beverages. Even from a young age I loved beverages.

Play that funky music...

He’s a 10 but he calls it his peepee

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve hardly touched your Wallace and Gromelette.

he's taking me here today bc i tweet good

Gym bros having their whey protein is so cute to me it's like ok little miss muffet

Called a bad driver in traffic a “pantalooned fuckwit” so don’t get on my bad side or else

A Venezuelan gang just took over my shed

asking me which ad experience I prefer is a violation of my constitutional rights

do they know who snoopy is or do they see this as an abomination

Connor McGregor dresses like he shops at a second-hand store that only accepts clothes from circus clowns and Batman villains

five year plan: -become one of the best minds of my generation -avoid being destroyed by madness

fewer werewolves

Dude bought a turd and smeared “SHIT” on the side

I don't know what precisely will fix me but I am willing to try all manner of things including charcuterie, pedicures, hiking, taking pictures of waterfalls, pole dancing class, thrift shopping, baked goods, iced coffees, hot showers, & pain* *eating bread while speaking French