Sorry boss I can't work I am doomscrolling the coup attempt

who invited trump supporters to 2021 theyre fucking it up already

was gonna say something funny but just realized the country is doing a thing again

That sloshing you hear is the sound of millions of Dry Januarys dying swift, ignoble, 80-proof deaths.

dry January is cancelled

can we just give trump a participation award for the election do you think then he’ll go away

can we normalize running when we’re late like I know I look stupid sprinting through costco but it is seriously so much faster

I like the gamestop stuff a lot cuz it just furthers my point that economics is stupid and made up and we should just give everyone a million dollars and be like ok have fun! cuz it’s all fake anyway who cares

Aw the stock market is so cute look at all of us bonding💜

Taylor Swift has given us more Covid relief in the past year than the federal government.

i miss going to the airport and having sexual tension between you and anyone who's remotely your age

It's been a big week of news. Kick off your weekend by retweeting for a chance to win a CLTFC pint glass! 🍺

If someone asks why you’re wearing a mask on a plane just say “Oh I have COVID!” and watch their face.

literally a tone of voice is enough to make me quit a job but this ?? oh boyyy I’d be gone so fast 😂🥴

targeted marketing is starting to scare me

I don’t wanna hear another man complain about women loving drama after this lmao yall just like us fr

obsessed that the general consensus regarding meet the grahams has gone from “holy shit I can’t believe kendrick said that” to “oh he’s a gemini nvm that tracks” 💀

say what you want about the importance of english vs the sciences but just know that while I haven’t used calculus once since school I’ve used literary analysis with every new diss track that drops