Fucking finally — “Watertown” by dan is UP FOR PRE-ORDER. To celebrate — 15% off every book in our shop using code: ‘WATERTOWN’. Happy Friday, scumbags. Let’s take a ride upstate. backpatiopress.bigcartel.com/product/watert…

Just outside of Syracuse there is one property- a gander mountain/cracker barrel/holiday Inn express so if you’re looking for the rest of the men who stormed the capital - I suggest you start there. House Judiciary Dems Cary Elwes Bradley Whitford

My goodness. I do not miss planning my day around these traffic tweets.

Today I received a call from someone outside my department asking if I’ll be in office so they can take PTO and my response was “did you mean to call me?” - she did but I don’t know who was more embarrassed.

I’m so tired that the footage of the dog who went missing ringing her own video doorbell after going missing made me cry enough that my boss that something bad had happened. Happy hump day people.😭

If mister 305 doesn’t give us a mister 315 - prepare for a riot. Pitbull easiest cheesiest people pleaser.

34 years ago today a little indie movie I made, The #PrincessBride, premiered in North America and changed my life forever... As You Wish ~ Westley ❤️⚔️

Crying actual tears of joy & shaking in anticipation waiting for presale tickets for Cary Elwes to start at 10.

Tell me you’re a homophobe without telling me you’re a homophobe.

“I like ranch on my wings.” 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I didn’t have Ted Cruz trolling Big Bird on my 2021 bingo card.

One! Two! I count two insurrectionists.

Am I sweet potato drunk or shouldn’t the game say TNF - not SNF during the game? NFL

Con: his Buffalo concert has been cancelled for the 3rd time. Pro: 🍂Brian Fallon🍂 is doing a at home live show ON my birthday.

Anytime iPhone suggests updating the name of my girls because they have *new* last names - I hit that “x” so hard. Sorry Apple, this my girl before she was someone else’s and she gonna stay that way.

Coming into 2022 with The #NewGirl podcast is the best thing that could have ever happened. Hannah Simone I’m also Team Carebears in a brawl.

Cancelling my Planet Fitness membership immediately.🤢

So you’re telling me that a 12 year old is too young to buy a PG-13 movie ticket, a lottery ticket or cold medicine, too young to drive a car or to vote, but not too young to be forced to carry a baby to term or to marry? How fucked up is that?

The final dance in Dirty Dancing, but they’re dancing to The Muppet Show theme tune.