I am firing on all cylinders right now! But I only have like two cylinders so it’s really not as great as it sounds.

Some of the most interesting people I know are on their fifth 2nd career.

The great thing about exercise is that it always improves my memory, for how much I hate exercise.

Frequently Asked Questions = “questions we wish people would ask”

Grocery stores should send limos out to pick up people who shop hungry, like casinos do for whales.

Speaking personally here, I wouldn’t want to commit to adding “views are my own” to my bio.

If someone says they’ll go to the ends of the earth for you, beware, you are dealing with a flat-earther.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the morning.

An app that scans the people around you and tells you which ones you could beat in a fight.

Do pro screenwriters enjoy movies more, less, or about the same as they did before starting their film career?

The days when you're just not feeling it, do your force yourself to write anyway? What's your strategy?

By the time my Brita pitcher is done filtering I’m not even thirsty anymore.

To hell with first drafts, next time I’m going straight from outline to second draft.

Whenever I feel like I’m about to stress eat, I take a deep breath and remind myself to wait for a better reason to eat, like boredom.

You mean to tell me they don’t decide elections by counting up the lawn signs?

I haven’t written a single word yet. On the upside, I’m looking at a healthy amount of whitespace.