I’d rather spend a week chewing tinfoil than watch another 3 hours of this mince. Listen to the wise words of Kirk Lazarus in Tropic Thunder!

For fuck sake don’t tell Peter A Smith!

No! They phone up & say “how much for player x”? “Ooft! That’s a bit much. We’ll phone you back”! Then release statement at end of August of “just couldn’t get it over the line”! And repeat!

31st of August “just couldn’t get it over the line as we’ve our bonuses to think of”!

Just stop oil protestors got 5 years for blocking roads. I hope dog toy boy gets similar for inciting violence & blocking the highway! With another year for squealing like a 5 year old!

Attention The High Life fans! Some exciting news coming soon! ✈️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

Voice of Alf Garnet & the words of John Steinbeck!

So, big question of the day for season opener. When will Hertz concede their traditional 3 goals to Rangers?

Stream of conscious blather from a man who is very much looking his age

Celtic can’t find IBAN details quick enough. Having a truckload of Money in the bank gives you extra points in CL allegedly!

No! Cos he’d cost money & everyone knows the board have a preference for bank interest over football interest!

I assume this split was widely known in political journalist’s circles but never reported on? You’d have thought the Holyrood magazine would have been all over this! Funny how it never troubled their pages or the BBC’s flagship political programmes. Incompetence?

Second Type 26 frigate HMS Cardiff has been rolled off the hardstanding and onto the barge BAE Systems Maritime Govan this morning. The barge will be towed down the Clyde to Glen Mallan for the ship to be floated off in deep water before being towed back to Scotstoun to begin fitting

Why is Aberdeen Airport ✈️ airport so crap? Stuck providing 70s service at 21st century prices. From selling 3 hr lounge access & restricting check in to 2 hrs before flights to restricted practices of limiting taxis to one firm leading to 1 taxi every 10 minutes to meet 2 flights!

So 26th (27th with time difference) before continuing negotiations? Fee, medical & personal terms agreed in 4 days? I’ll just add this to the “just couldn’t get it over the line” pile for 1st September!

Guess what happens when you leave yer negotiations for players to last week of transfer window? Yes, you get stung!

A free mobile app, Aberdeen Protects, that promotes medication with the potential to prevent drug-deaths was launched today in Aberdeen ahead of International Overdose Awareness Day this Saturday. Read more here: orlo.uk/RwEHr

So police are not sure if a crime has been committed so have passed the buck?

Erm! Isn’t she in the party of government who regulate water?

Ferry delay? Wall to wall coverage. Grangemouth shutting - och that’s a shame followed by woman in Ayr’s performing dog!