One thing about me is I’m always buying the most random shit from Dollar General.

Hey Universe, when I said I didn’t want to work today, a sick day is not what I meant! 😠

Forgot to take my meds last night and now I’m vomiting like yay my brain is fucking awesome, who wants it?!

'look at your keyboard betw...'

I’m really enjoying this day off and it’s painful how bad I don’t want to go back to work tomorrow. I love my job but I’m burning out. Good help is hard to find but the best help pays the price for that.

Dating me means getting weird pics, like me resting my titties on a candelabra, cuz, get it?!

I finally had to give in and update my app to “X” and I fuckin hate it.

My cat ate part of the drawstring from my scrubs and that bastard better shit it out bc I did not sign up for this miniature barn doodle!

I’ve been laughing since I left the jeweler 😆

I almost bought a plastic bowling set today, simply bc I know my kitten will barrel himself into it and make me laugh.

Got up early, showered, and drove 20 miles to work just to run a dryer for 15 minutes. Happy fuckin Sunday.

I’ve just eaten so much chicken I could barf up a Harlem block party.

Literally heard THIS week.

So this morning I opened my weather app and then proceeded to blow on my phone to get the dog hair off the top left corner of the screen…

Is it sacrilegious to wear fishnets on Easter?

Introverts: what's the polite amount of time to wait before breaking away from the party group to pet the kitty?

When you’re almost in tears from the pain but you’re a woman and they’re “just cramps” so you go to work because thems the rules.

I haven’t had vacation time off in foreverrrrrrr fuck.