everyones gotten rly good at twitter lately

In America I’m a nervous caricature of myself. But in EUROPE… in Europe, I am a Goddess

Completely unacceptable to wear shorts whilst watching a movie. You just have to put pants on you just HAVE TO

wait...is "yelp" passé?????

am I the last living "yelp" user what the fuck?????

I USE MAPS NOT GOOGLE MAPS AND I STILL WEAR A LIVESTRONG BRACELET

Once a month I go to CVS and fight 4 justice. Tears turn 2 screams .. i beg I plead .. I turn into a bad version of myself. Brutality for all. well. THIS time I pretended this ordeal was actually just my audition for Josh safdie and WOW. gr8 mechanism. 😍Cant wait 2 do it again

All of my exes hate me which I think means we shared a love that was marked by passion/electricity (not truth). Truthful exes make friendships work but Movie Love? Movie Love must die. Sorry but I rly don’t see this as a red flag. It’s beautiful we loved so hard that now we hate

I often think about Angelina Jolie's tattoo of an open window that reminds her of the beauty of her daydreams

Between the Temples opens today! a screwball comedy starring Jason Schwartzman as a mentally unraveling cantor who starts crushing on Carol Kane! cinema!

This has moved me beyond belief

Blaming my parents for turning me into the only one in the friend group who doesn’t recycle and who also doesn’t find nature to be particularly beautiful (outside of upstate NY)

I truly will never be friends with a person who is impressed by and/or impresses by making puns

Same goes for people who think it is clever and or entertaining to photograph/post vanity plates. Moronic behavior through and through.

It’s incredibly good and Annie Hamilton is in it you must see it

Hi The New Yorker it’s my bday! Would love a shoutout xoxo

Hi Metrograph it’s my bday! I’d love a shout out if you get a chance ❤️

Hi @a24 I would love if you could give me a public shoutout for my bday today !

Hello The New York Times REMEMBER ME?????? It’s my bday today! Would love a public holler!!!!

Aloha New York Post id love to have an article written about me - it’s my bday today!— no shenanigans yet tho xxxxx