What I miss more than anything is a time when people could disagree and still love one another.

There should be a slur for people who exercise during their lunch break

The most exciting parts of my life are still ahead of me and the most traumatic parts of my life are behind me, is something I just decided.

it’s neat how you can skip working out for a week and gain ninety three pounds

Computer Magic

Cat From Nowhere Time Magazine, slightly more well written than LinkedIn posts, striving to guzzle all of the kool-aid.

I have been exceptionally busy minding my own business

All systems no

Just spoke with a customer who came here from another country years ago but couldn't afford to leave. He did not want to stay and said he did everything possible to get kicked out and sent home, failed the citizenship test on purpose, etc etc but they gave it to him anyway. Now

I should have followed my dreams and become a comic book villain.

Someone told me I needed to add a little excitement to my life, so I bought a new flavoured cream for my coffee, let me tell you, I’m turning this muthafuckin party out

resist everyone whose only fear is being held accountable.

I just want to be rich enough to have the time to be creative once in a while. Wouldn't that be nice.

It's not tyranny, it's DiGiorno! Which is now the only pizza you're allowed to eat.

they call it disinformation cuz they don’t like dis information

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep

Oh wait, I forgot my assignment.

All I'm saying is there's nothing more horrifying than buying shoes at an estate sale.

I try to keep her laughing because nothing good ever happens after she's been quietly thinking