I only wanted to set an alarm

It's a beautiful morning, here in Carlisle. I didn't realise how much the darkness had crept back in, but got to see a pre-sunrise dawn sky and felt... more hopeful than yesterday.

How far are they from making teddy bear bombs?

Come to Silloth! ❤️ #SillothAwarenessWeek

2,000 teddy bear bombs. One terrorist dead. VICTORY! (Please ignore the collateral damage. They had it coming, those kids!)

Hezbollah will, of course, be urged to restrain itself after Lebanon has suffered a mass terrorist attack. Arabs are expected to just quietly die, be maimed without objection, never act, passively and silently be murdered. The world is a fucking joke.

NEWS I have to cancel my upcoming tour, I’m sorry but the cancer has spread and the Beatson cancer team have advised me to stop work. I am currently in hospital with sepsis ( it’s under control) pls contact your theatre for a refund - I’m sorry everyone 👇watch please

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Mossad could potentially burn your house down, while you were sleeping, by turning your phone into a bomb. Hezbollah would love to do that, too. I'm sure they've got their IT team on it, already. Psychos v Psychos, and everyone else is just collateral.

There are only four Boots' in the UK with modified release merthytydfilate I'm normally supplied, to treat ADHD. This means I've been given an emergency supply of *immediate release* tablets. This should be interesting.

Netanyahu's Israel is going to spark off this World War that's brewing. They are escalating and escalating and escalating, knowing that we have to help them. If not, do you think Netanyahu wouldn't be prepared to launch nukes? Are we being blackmailed? I don't get it.

The Dunelm advert has a black guy who looks so much like Idris Elba, you know he's in the advert because he looks like Idris Elba. Imagine how cool it would be to be mistaken for Idris Elba?

My Unique Selling Point in #Fallout76 is this brilliant idea. You watch: they'll all be doing this, soon! Oh... you have a life and can't watch, you say? Whatever!