We knew there was a 95% chance we'd get pinched by the springs, but we got on anyway! 💪

One of nature's cruel jokes is the low, early morning sun that exposes every speck of dust and dirt while you're still too tired to do anything about it.

Good morning.

Do people still 'set' their tables at home?

If it's so cold, why can't we see his breath? 🤔

'Trump stiffed Pecker' works on many different levels.

Now that Trump has been cleared to attend his son's high school graduation, what will his excuse be for not attending his son's high school graduation?

The bad part of going to the baseball instead of watching at home.

We're here again. What a view! Go O's!

Some excitement while shopping at BJ's today. Guy was stealing cases of razors out the back door and I happened to be nearby and got a few pictures that I gave to BJ's staff. They told me he's a regular shoplifter. 😡

Going to be close to 90° here today. Makes a cold Manhattan court room sound kinda nice.

Whenever I see one of those Twitter Circles that I'm not in, I briefly think 'I've got to step it up and spend more time on Twitter,' then I laugh and go back to what I was doing.

The good old days were great and all, but I like the internet.

Everyone agree the potential negatives of AI far outweigh the potential positives?

I can't figure out how it doesn't lead to the loss of a lot of jobs, for example.

I just realized there's no more elevator music. When did that happen?

Sunday buffet

I'm pretty sure I wrote this restaurant-themed Dad joke. Please verify.

Waiter: My name is Steve, if you need anything.

Me: What's your name if I don't need anything?

He's said so much shit, I forgot he calls the media 'The Enemy of the People.' 🤦🏻‍♂️

Don't tell anyone this song popped up in my Apple Music algorithm curated playlist based on what I listen to. 🤫

I like people who can laugh at themselves.

Another idea to simplify prescription meds names.

How about giving them names like cannabis strains?

So, instead of taking Amlodipine, you're taking Fresher Blood Pressure or, maybe, Hardy Heart.