@tha_catfather
tweets
ID: 1282436819221708800
calendar_today12-07-2020 22:09:09
962 Tweet
109 Followers
129 Following
10 months ago
Can’t decide if I should do laundry or fake my own death.
a month ago
Looks are great but if your personality doesn't scare me a little, it'll never last
when one door closes, lock it
Just sitting here relaxing, releasing gases at a somewhat constant interval.
Congrats to you for surviving inflation so your reward is more inflation
Never underestimate the dangers of an idiot.
If you see me walking around with a purse full of chicken nuggies, mind ya business.
The main reward for doing a good job is just more work
I really do want to be a nice person but everyone is so fucking stupid
25 days ago
I can’t wait until I have hearing aids, so I can turn them off when people bore me.
Serious talk at the office of replacing me with a ping pong table.
Not everything can be based on a true story, you gotta sprinkle in some bullshit once in a while
24 days ago
I need a fridge with better snacks to raid.
Not me trying to remember if I said something out loud or in my head
22 days ago
Them: you should try meditating My anxiety: yes, being alone with nothing but *thoughts* sounds like a great idea
16 days ago
Thanks for asking, but no, nothing is wrong. This is how I always look.
I've been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.
15 days ago
if I know you and we see each other in a restaurant, wave, say hi but stay at your own table.
My idea of friends with benefits is someone who would clean my fucking bathrooms.
Them: Name something you'd like to try in the bedroom Me: How about a full 8 hours of sleep