It’s been 20 years since the hit and run but I still see her wherever I go. She won’t leave me alone. Is she trying to punish me?

I have an Iq of 139 and I can bench press 300 lbs and every single girl is dating me, i have 0 problems

Therapist (folding his hands): This is the 4th time you’ve brought up this fear in a session. Are you sure this isn’t a cover for some deeper insecurity?

Me: nothing my parents did are as scary as the Vikings getting Drake Maye.

r/leftistcreepypasta: Your Chapo is in another trap house…

Vampire frat doing a callout post abt this like someone scrawled a swastika on campus

Telling my grankids that when story of adidon dropped the teachers brought in the chromebook cart and let us watch in class

gordon ramsey: where is james?

server 1: hes in the walls

server 2: yeah hes gone to his secret compartments in the walls

*gordon is tapping on the walls at intervals and whispering under his breath*

fuck me

victoria zeller Chris Hayes You’re a horrible person.

there’s a whole retirement home in the replies to this

Only 13 players, cant have shit in Detroit

We should be able to do the Hunger Games with NFL aggregators, we really only need 1 anyway its not like they’re breaking their own stories

In honor of Oj we should all enter the nfl draft and make the nfl hall of fame

Tfw you will never hear “hey twitter world” again

Me as a hostage negotiator: Cmon pleeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase?