sometimes we get flat tires and that’s okay

damn the person who made sour patch kids was really intelligent

TSA didn’t think it was very funny when they searched my bag and thought my camera flash was a gun. i looked at them and flexed and said “these are the only guns I have”

ur not lazy u just need to rest ur small beautiful little head most hours of the day bc ur soooo tiny and small and life is so big and hard and it’s ok

this uber helllllaaaaaa humid

rich flex is the new bohemian rhapsody, a little too long and people kinda know the words but not all of them 👍🏼

“freako daphne keeps looking at us”

the people at best buy treat you like if you don’t know what a digital optical cable connector is the first time they say it you’re an absolute moron who doesn’t deserve to be in the store

i feel like pretzels with cheese are always something i want and am disappointed by

never back down never what

having a hot flash 🤍

idk if this is a hot take but i don’t like getting dinner before getting drinks, like i get so full i have to lay down i don’t want the expectation that i’ll be ready to be fun and go out after a full meal. i need 45 mins to rest.

no offense bud but U a constant source of light in a dimming world

when you get off work and it’s like fuckkkkk i need a one dance

you’re not depressed you just need to hang out with your long distance best friends

I might sound crazy but hear me out.. I’m tired of having a phone 😭

me when someone convinces me to wear something that isn't black

“how’d you find that out?” me: