Don't believe what they say about me. I just like it here in the paper bag.

Using again? Or living life to the fullest? Who's to say?

twitterhack Get boosted by the algorithm without paying for a checkmark by liking tweets suggesting slavery wasn't that bad or that Jews engineered the Holocaust.

Anton Chekhov on hopepunk

Explaining to my wife that she should induce labor now so our son will be the first kid named Cybertruck.

Looking forward to America losing 85 percent of its value and Constitutional amendments promoting crypto.

Stairs, nature's Stairmaster.

Men's room graffiti at the new Penn Station: For a good time scan QR code

Then immediately falls asleep.

The asterisk in the Amex copy leads to a footnote that basically says "this isn't true" or "these words mean nothing," something so standardized that they didn't even bother to put a footnote in the copy for the gym. It assumes we understand that's what an asterisk means.

Buy used jigsaw puzzles at thrift shops and you will eventually get burned.

As always! I watched the debate so you didn't have to! My recap is up -- mcsweeneys.net/articles/the-o…

imgflip.com/i/935cmm

Great night! So glad to have a piece in this wonderful collection.

I'm word-oriented, obscurity-loving human. I found a home for myself in early modern studies, where those core traits can be oriented towards ethical, pleasurable communal work. My new book rethinks 'stupidity' and 'pedantry' and 'nonsense' to share that orientation.

Someday I'd like to open a September 11th Museum, so people can come and learn about all the different September 11ths throughout history.

I always remember today as the anniversary of my funniest 9/11 tweet.