bet I wouldn't have gotten covid watching the game this monday if UNC had won

subtweeting ur beloved roommate with whom you are currently in covid isolation with for less than 5 likes >>>

if you know the 7 ft tall guy at the Norfolk VA Charli concert tell him I just wanna talk

takin a liking to the notion of marrying a country lass and naming our beautiful twin boy and girl Garlon & Dicamba

i'm going to become a 28-term democratic representative whose only contribution to the legislature is an every-session bill proposal that legalizes the death penalty for litterers

service dogs are highkey so pettable

eating curds and whey? little miss muffet was bulking

told my dad you could get a 12er of Yuengling for $11 and he said he "didn't know such a thing existed"

could never go to law school because I won't even tolerate 1 L 😤

getting into the honorable mentions of the "longest living organisms" wikipedia page depths of wikipedia!

to be loved is to be changed

although they kill 900 guys, john wick 4 is ultimately a movie about love. and to me, that is. beautiful