If Andromeda were brighter, this is what you’d see in the sky.

But if it is, I mean I’m here. You’d have to convince me though because I don’t believe it when anyone says they are in to dad bods.

Yes. More often than not.

I like watching it go in. *me to my fries

even at my worst? / even at your worst.

Make sure he gets his oral support.

Can’t, they had egg nog at the store tonight.

Goodnight Neverland.

i dont wanna brag but ive been told my tweets go even harder when muted.

😈😈😈😈

Mustard

Kiss me like we’re in an 80’s romcom.

Bots and scammers will have a refuge.

Best bookshelf ever

Blowing your nose while you’re on the toilet is just good exit strategy.

Yes. Last night it wasn’t so much a nightmare as just a recurring dream I have about trying to get out of my car and into my house but there are javelinas guarding the door.

I wish more people talked about how painful it is to grieve someone who is still alive.

The fan feature on my bidet is really just there for irony, and it tickles me when I use it.

Morning Monty.