#NTAs

And now, the weather for Springfield, Ohio. It’s going to be raining cats and dogs. But don’t worry - Because all the criminals and mental patients will eat them before they hit the ground.

#BreakingNews

Leaked #NTA / #NTAs results:

Watching the #NTAs. Makes me SO SO HAPPY, seeing all these people, doing the jobs I dream of AND seeing them being rewarded, revered and adored.

Thank GOD.

Damn. How unbearably sad. It’s such a glitch in nature that allows children to develop cancer. Just heartbreaking.

Out with Moo - I met GIZMO. My goodness - Have you ever seen a doggo SCHMIZING for EVERY photo that’s taken of him? He really ONLY hit this expression when the camera was pointed at him ❤️❤️❤️

“Unrecognisable”…

If I MAY, Susie Dent… Word of the day: COWARD. A former American President who is shit scared of being humiliated live on TV once again.

Moo’s having a nap whilst cuddling her favourite treat. Or perhaps she’s lying on it, thinking about me and saying, “Keep your hands off, you fat twat.”

Why can my father-in-law sleep through all the hammering, drilling and banging involved in major house renovations… But if I tread on the wrong floorboard at the opposite end of the landing to his room when going to the bathroom at 3.30am, he wakes up with a jump, all a-panic?

"They're eating the dogs" (Donald Trump, 1958)

“Shined”.