My favorite Olympics memory is watching Bob Costas’ pink eye get progressively worse each day

I will now be incorporating “Hotel lobby taste” into my lexicon

stop asking me if ive seen a movie and then being like “WHATTTT YOU HAVENT SEEN??” no!!!! ive never seen anything!!!! ive literally never watched anything ever before

Checks out

Been getting a lot of perfume based content which make no sense because i hate perfume so much that i literally have a no perfume rule in My Home

Nothing more insufferable than a quirky Halloween bitch saying they hate summer and can’t wait for sPoOkY sEaSOn shut the fuck up u freak!!!

I think about this a lot and the answer is yes

this is a very strong case where shitposting on your phone is not a waste of time and can literally shape the future of your country

Now that I’ve started using the crying laughing emoji in earnest my texting life has gotten a lot easier. Highly recommend for when you’re texting a non online friend or someone over 50

Why is postmates so obsessed with telling me to eat at HiHo cheeseburger

Thank god I grew up in the era of phones and being able to google every single question I have at any moment because if i lived in any other time i would be soooo fucking stupid

This is so embarrassing omg why would u say this out loud

9am on here tomorrow

Huge day for mid white guys

Stan Twitter u will always be my favorite

THIS IS ACTUALLY HUGE NEWS FOR ME PERSONALLY!!!!