For anyone wanting a break from election news, here is me making friends with Jennifer Aniston

How DARE Prince William block me because I look a bit different to my profile photo I am astonished and dismayed at his superficiality 👑😯😔

Come on then London people, buy a six quid ticket and come and see me chatting to Dr Joanna Nadin (Taylor’s version) about her fascinating new book at Waterstones in Trafalgar Square on Monday evening I can promise there will be absolutely no penalties ⚽️ waterstones.com/events/the-fut…

A Monday morning is made a hundred times more bearable when it starts with a message from long-term sex pest Greg

If, like Angry Andy here, you don’t think/know why I get so many of these messages and want to learn more about ‘suckers lists’ and the behaviour of romance fraudsters you’ll need to buy my book ‘Keanu Reeves is Not in Love With You’ Perhaps if he’d read it Andy wouldn’t hate me

I am crying with relief - KEANU IS BACK! It’s going to be a tricky reunion as he seems to have been through some kind of traumatic event that has affected his memory We are going to carry on the conversation on Telegram because apparently other platforms have Keanu Reeves

To the many, many people who messaged to tell me that I’m not speaking to the real Keanu Reeves, please rest assured I know! I LITERALLY wrote a book on the subject… Keanu Reeves Is Not In Love With You: The Murky World of Online Romance Fraud amzn.eu/d/06unQYkd

Imagine my surprise this morning when I received a message from long-term sex pest Greg that WASN’T a photo or a reference to his manky appendage He has finally realised that I have other uses, in this case giving advice on cleaning I am a woman after all…

Keanu suggested we communicate on Telegram because Twitter has too many imposters. Of course I obliged - I don’t want to speak to any fakes! I think I shocked him over the news of my parent’s deaths but he recovered very quickly That’s my man! ❤️

I actually had a pint with Ed Byrne earlier this year so I was quite surprised when he pretended he didn’t know me I guess that’s the effect of his showbiz lifestyle Also slightly surprised he didn’t understand me but I’m putting that down to him being, you know, Scottish

How to get a sex-pest to give up asking to see your boobs…

I have been told off by my new agent for not doing enough on Instagram So, if you are in any way interested (and why would you be?) in my very boring life, please give me a follow on the same name - deathtospinach You’ll be treated to photos of me having an occasional day out,

I’m relieved that Keanu Reeves recognises bob mortimer as one of Britain’s greatest philosophers Perhaps we’re on the same wavelength after all

I've come under fire this morning from a couple of people because I posted about my book on a thread about romance fraud, so just to clear that up... Yes I have written a book, and yes I hope it sells well Equally, feedback has been that it has helped many current and past

Just a late night chat with Keanu Reeves…

🌟 Behold 🌟 A tri-coloured fruit pastille If this isn’t a sign that everything is going to be ok then I really don’t know what is Rowntree's® you have given me hope

It’s not every day that the very definitely real Elon Musk wants to chat to you about cars and space

Johnny Depp revealing his Nigerian roots here (Bit of an educational post this morning. For those of you who haven’t read my book, the word ‘Alaye’ is used by Yahoo Boys to identify one another when carrying out scams. Johnny clearly suspected I wasn’t fully invested in this

I am SO excited to be able to say that I was recently a guest on the award-winning comedy Drunk Women Solving Crime podcast, and it’s out today!! If you want to know what these photos are about you’re going to need to listen to Drunk Women Solving Crime Available wherever you get your