Emily: JJ, please! after everything we’ve been through together, you can’t do this to me! Emily: i’m begging you, please don’t do it! JJ: i’m sorry Em, i have to… Emily *whispering*: no, no, no. JJ: Emily: JJ: *places +4* uno.

UnSub: light’s green. Emily: shut up. UnSub: that was a stop sign. Emily: i fucking swear– UnSub: wow, not even close to the speed limit. Emily: SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU’RE MY PRISONER, STOP BACKSEAT DRIVING UnSub, holding up his cuffed hands: THEN LEARN HOW TO DRIVE

Spencer: i am an expert at identifying birds. Gideon, an actual expert: okay, what about those ones over there? Spencer: yep, they’re definitely birds.

Hotch: is anybody going to tell me what the hell is going on here? Derek: it’s kinda complicated, but Emily– Hotch: got it. forget i asked.

JJ: how is this BDSM? Emily: i’m restraining you, aren’t i? this is bondage and domination. JJ: no, this is snuggling. Emily, holding them together: shut up, snuggleslut.

*Emily and JJ skipping stones on lake* JJ: it’s such a beautiful evening! Emily, whispering: take that you fucking lake.

JJ: i want to hear you say those three words. Emily: i love you. JJ: that's sweet, but try again. Emily, sighing: i will behave.

Elle: it was the feminine urge. Hotch: you literally killed a man. Elle: okay, and?

Derek: are you alright? Emily: short answer or long answer? Derek: short? Emily: no. Derek: long? Emily: nooooooo.

JJ: i wish that we could block people in real life. Derek: restraining order. Emily: murder.

Derek, holding the door open for Spencer: after you. Spencer: no, after you. Derek: i insist, after you. Elle, pushing past both of them: after me.

Therapist: so what do we say when we get the urge to throw ourselves off a bridge? Emily: yeet. Therapist: no-

Emily, drunk: i don’t give a damn about sin. Derek, also drunk: yeah, me either, fuck trigonometry.

Spencer: what if grass licked your feet when you stepped on it? Emily: i would do a split. Rossi: every day we stray further from God’s grace…

Penelope: hey sugar, i’m sad. hug me. Derek: don’t be sad, because “sad” backwards is “das”. Derek: and das not good.

Emily: we have fun, don’t we Reid? Spencer: i have genuinely never been so stressed out in my life. Spencer: and i’ve been to prison.

JJ: at what age do we consider a milf to be a milf regardless of whether they are indeed a mother? Emily: and who are you considering when you ask this question? JJ: …you.

Penelope: sir, did you just faint? Hotch: no, i briefly succumbed to gravity.

JJ: so... what’s going on? Emily: you want the long version or the short version? JJ, hesitantly: the short one, i guess? Emily: shit’s fucked. JJ: oh. well, yeah, that’s definitely not an optimal situation.

Emily: i want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives. JJ: i wake up at 6:30am. Emily: Emily: i want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives.