one moment. you will find yourself. staring. into a mirror. and. for once. you are not able to. look away. because. somehow. you are able to see. every terrible thing. it is that you feel. and. just how deep. it all is. and. continues to be.

you hide desperation. so well.

i’m not sure. what it is. about the corner of. every vacant room. or. maybe. i do.

written down dreams.

if you are. near. an open window. there’s a reason you are. and. there’s a reason. you keep looking through it.

one day. i am going to meet. Death. while feeling this unhappy.

unusual desire.

i think i might miss. the unfamiliar comfort. of an airport. how you are and will be. somewhere. that is new. and. how for at least a little while. you will no longer. be. where it has always. hurt. possibility. in your very bones. because. you are there. just. passing through.

tell me. how i can write about. feeling. this empty.

gone.

because. i was someone.

maybe. one day. looking into the mirror. won’t feel. as terrifying. maybe. one day. i will see Love. there.

unfamiliar comfort.

every small interaction. with another. just. builds up. to me feeling. even less real. everything. is so very much above the surface. that i am unable to. relate. or be aware. be involved. and. just. mean it.

i am. so very careful with. how far i step into. another’s Life. with how much space. i let myself. be a part of. i know and feel too well. how capable i am. of ruin. it is best to stay. small. to not linger. to turn around. go the other way. vanish. disappear. to not be.

i simply want to cease to exist.

sometimes i think. i want God. i want God so terribly. to feel so secure. in a strong belief’s embrace.

i wish to be. unwavering. to hold so much. certainty. for what’s around me and within me. to feel peace. in my very bones. and embrace this barely beating Heart.

i am terrified. because. there is nowhere i even want to go.

you choose to. comfort me. when you feel like it. and. i’m at a loss. in thinking that Love is something to be understood. the foolish way in wanting. something. but not wanting it in the way you’ve always received it.