Still shocked that people kill themselves without first eating nothing but cheesecake for a week, THEN killing themselves.

My parents haven't called with a computer problem in 48 hours. I'm sending my brother over there to check on them.

Re-Created Famous Calvin Klein Underwear Ads - bit.ly/1MH88hs

A real friend is the one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

No matter how hard I try, you just don't recognize how hard I try for you.

I wish I could hide people in real life as easy as I can hide them on facebook.

Martin Beck’s Superheroes Aren’t Who You’d Expect - bit.ly/1MH7Ve5

I always try to put some condom wrappers in my garbage so the raccoons that go through my trash think I'm cool.

Having to get just a cucumber at the store can be awkward. Especially if you panic & say, "It's not what you think, it just for a salad."

No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed...

Looking back on your old Facebook pictures and thinking "What the hell was I doing".

omg this fire truck is being such an attention whore right now

doing sports is ninety-eight percemt confidence and two thousand percent talent and three fifths makimg math dudes mad

3 Ways and More to Celebrate Our Pets on Valentine’s Day - bit.ly/1MH8AfK

Walmart Manager: "Ok, So here's the plan.We'll put 25-30 registers in each store. Then, we'll only put cashiers at 3 of them.It can't fail!"

That awkward moment when you don`t know how to smile when someone is taking a picture.

u dont know pain unless youve tied ur hair with a rubberband and then tried to take it out

I would probably rather get into your pantry than your panties

10 Strangest Streets in the World - bit.ly/1MH8ODv

How To Become a VS Angel - bit.ly/1MH8bKd