I’m a recovering pleasure to have in class, which means I’ll still probably do what you want but now I’m not happy about it

This is what got Pat Robertson.

Thinking about when I was a young teen and went to a Semisonic concert in Richmond and people were throwing shit at the stage, so I wrote them an email to apologize and Dan Wilson responded thanking me and that I printed that email and hung it on my wall for years…

Yes, I’m aware I’m going to hell, thank you.

Now women can’t *checks notes* take fully clothed selfies before yoga without some dude thinking they’re trying to turn them on? I hate it here.

We love to see it!

Kamala Harris What about the rest of us?

I hope I’m still #1 on Roseanne’s bad Jew list ✡️🙏🏼

1 month countdown until my birthday, initiated!

I… *sigh*

Early Entry to Magic Kingdom Rope-Drop Closing

This Barbie has a Nobel Prize 💖 He’s just Ken

I repost this every single time I see Andrew Tate trending. Best burn ever.

*Receptionist: “You have a $50 copay” *Me: “I met my family out of pocket maximum” *R: “But not your individual” *Me: “Well, not to brag, but I’m actually part of my own family 💅🏻”

Y’all. 😭😂🤣

Walgreens: we don’t take your insurance anymore CVS: we do, but your sons basaglar isn’t covered Endo: I’ll send a new rx! *sends same rx* CVS: this is not covered Endo: okay will send a new one! CVS: whoa whoa whoa- 90 days? Absolutely not. Me: 🤬😤🖕🏻🔪

When you look up all the weird dreams you’ve been having and they all say, “lack of stability and stress”. Cool cool cool.

Ehhhh finally deleting this app- but you can catch me on insta with the same handle. xox