When you're lying to your mom but your brother already told her the truth.

For the record: You cannot have an abortion in the 9th month. You cannot have an abortion after birth. If we didn’t keep banning books, maybe we wouldn’t have to clear that up. #Debate2024

She's absolutely cleaning his clock.

Okay, now he’s just doing Mad Libs. #Debate2024

Liza Minnelli has outlived fears that US democracy is dead. Kamala Harris is wiping the floor with Trump in tonight’s debate. #Debate2024

Hi David, actual expert here. “Partial birth abortion” is a made up term. Also, abortion after birth is impossible, and infanticide is illegal.

eating MY transgender cats?

Hey guys. I know we're joking about how he's absolutely eating shit up there, but I just went down to the kitchen and an illegal was performing transgender surgery on our cat (he/they).

I...don't know if cozying up to Putin is the strategy I'd go for at this point in the debate, but you do you boo. #Debate2024

Like a regular dog or the kind people eat? #Debate2024

I hope Maya Rudolph is doing some warmup stretches. #Debate2024

I don't even smoke, but I think I need a cigarette after that. #Debate2024

There it is. Taylor Swift endorses Vice President Harris.

Kamala tagging in Taylor Swift to absolutely finish Trump after the debate tonight is every bad book ending I've ever read made right.

Omg

It seems like some Republicans and at least one dusty weird billionaire are feeling this way today, too.