Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

And then the little dog would say "yo quiero Taco Bell" and we would all laugh and laugh. It was a simpler time.

Damn this reading shit is no joke. word after word after word

The WHOLE kit and caboodle? In this economy?

Might fuck around and wear white today

I don't run from my problems... I lay on my couch play with my phone and ignore them like a adult

🎶 It’s the most wonderful time of the year 🎒🚸🚌

I'd rather shampoo a porcupine than unload my dishwasher.

They banned plastic straws before assault rifles.

I got better things to do than my to do list anyway

I love awkward people. Awkward is so underrated.

You wouldn't survive an 80s playground.

now i understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something please let me know 🙏

im so tired of everything being a trend in our culture. Earlier someone told me that “clocks are back”. what are you talking about

always do

I’m at the retweeting my old tweets stage of this twitter career. Is this tenure?

Please stop fucking shooting people.

If they have no respect for their own eyebrows, they'll have no respect for you. Read it again.

Can you flip your hair from side to side and it looks perfect. Or are you normal