me: watching spongebob
mom: “is that sandy”
me: “yea. she’s a squirrel from texas”
mom: “does she have a gun”

man 😭😭

i shit you not, i had a dream last night that was so chaotic, but i remember shohei was there, and i had a ball i wanted him to sign, and he said no 💀

adam ottavino first W of the season 🫣

walk it off baby

this is what conservative parents think is happening to their sons at school

Etsy businesses are seeing a sales boom following Beyoncé’s request for fans to wear silver fashions to the 'RENAISSANCE WORLD TOUR' throughout Virgo season, TMZ reports.

Seller Sequin Fans says they’ve seen a 200% sales increase in silver apparel and a 400% bump in overall…

future teammates

Shohei Ohtani broke some lights at Citi Field with a line drive and Uncle Steve is gonna make sure to get his money 😭

(via Jonathan Baron)

The Twins are ruthless for Gallo’s fun fact

(via David Youngs)

the concert where they play one song

woohoo my shohei mets head was shown on sny 🥲🥴

that was the most anti-climactic bench clearing i’ve seen in my life

DANIEL VOGELBACH LOVES WOMEN

i love jeff mcneil

one of jeff mcneil’s women’s day walkup songs is “what dreams are made of” by hilary duff 😭😭

if any of you catch this at citi field tn, it’s me 🤡

this guy is a feckin weirdo and needs to be jailed fr

how tf did they let a gun inside guaranteed rate field???? last time i was there, they made one of our guests pay to check in her shoulder bag with like 3 items inside because it was barely over the size limit. but i guess a firearm within the size limit would’ve been fine??????