This is the moment where I stop browsing archives for research materials and imagining a trip to one and take a shower so I can go to my job. THIS is that moment. Ok. And. Here we go. Well. Ok. Here we go. Let's, uh. go.

New ID pictures today at work. I look crazier in this one than last year, even though the reality is that I am far less crazy now than I was then. Im twenty pounds lighter this year And last years' big grin? It was a lie.

Come and take it.

I am bone tired. Im sitting here with a pile of work due yesterday, people are fucking mad at me about it bc im fucking up everyone's goddamn schedule, and im just absolutely shucked out. I am burning the candle at both ends again and I simply cant not do that.

"There is no evidence for X" does not mean X is not true. It just means that there is no evidence available. The evidence may be inadmissible, invisible to your eyes, uncollected, hidden, or unrecognized. "There is no evidence" means almost fucking nothing in relation to truth.

my most anti-philosophical take is that i believe there are facts about human existence that are unalterably unpleasant so the only correct policy is to keep them out of mind

I know there are a shitload of good jobs out there that I could do. I just dont have the ability to hook into those networks. I am not saying the right words to the right people. I need to stop time. This is so discouraging.