Actually, how about no more “Alien” movies at all? Those damn things are gross! Enough!

I detest religious intolerance but at the same time I, too, have an innate instinct to protest a giant monkey

It would have been nice if one of the women who have dumped me over the years had said something this rad

JAMES CAMERON [busting into NBC/Peacock office]: You want to make millions and millions of dollars? *scribbles on piece of paper, slides it across table* PAPER: "FRAZIER$"

Tfw you learn Larry David’s ancestors were slave owners who fought for the Confederacy

Okay seriously what the hell Instagram -- I created a second account and that got axed too, all that was on it was my pic and a post saying that it was me, and it violated "community guidelines". I can't get back in to either. Has anyone ever dealt with this before?

I bet there is a guy freaking out all the time because he tends to mistake cicadas for hornets and that guy is definitely not me

Thinking about the Roman Empire again today

Real Mr. Show heads know that the Shropshire brothers were based on an interview with Radiohead, not Oasis

Proposed new Tim Walz catchphrase: "WHAT'S THE FRACKIN DEAL HERE"

Wait, Lincoln was gay? Damn, two gay presidents in a row! Didn't realize how progressive we were back then

New Madrid, MO

One day in college my friend Amy and I went to Wendy's and there was a sign that said "No tomatoes. Because of El Nino" and we couldn't stop laughing inexplicably for like an hour. I want this 90s reunion please

I bet the Senator's daughter from "Silence of the Lambs" became super anorexic after she was rescued. She was literally almost murdered simply because she was kind of plump. Also it was the 90s

Always exciting to see the character actor that for a split second you think is Jeffrey Tambor but no it’s the guy from Spaceballs

If you listen to a "history podcast" and the host talks like an expert equally about the US Civil War, the Bronze Age Collapse, and the early Roman Republic that dude is not actually a historian, just FYI.

SCOOT MCNAIRY IN NIGHTBITCH ALERT

Emotionally? No

This is the only movie my stepdad and I saw in the theater together and now he’s gone I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who remembers it at all

I accidentally let a can of tinned fish expire, send me to The Hague