Twitter Beğeni Hilesi

A show called “Comps” like Cops but about comptrollers.

“I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea” - what a cup of coffee would say if it could talk probably idk

From the window, to the WALZ, till the sweat drips down my balls, all these they/thems crawl.

If you Sikh Amy

When gay men put their butts together to have sex, which one shits into the other’s ass?

Demure? Dem ure pronouns? Because I respect them

“The tap didn’t work, you might have to put it in” Suddenly I get very nervous and short of breath and my debit card gets all floppy.

I still hold the position that flying airplanes into the Statue of Liberty would have been more epic and sent a better message, but go off Al Qaeda I guess.

Some people say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result, but the actual definition is being like super freaking crazy.

My impression of The Ying-Yang Twins covering “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman

A memory that will never leave me is being bored out of my mind in church watching grown adults sing songs to an invisible god for hours on end and being so depressed that this was supposedly what Heaven would be like, only for an eternity. My first existential crisis, really.

What if we weren’t ready for some football? Would they postpone the game?

People are acting like their entire lives hinged on Dave Grohl being faithful in his marriage.

If we can’t eat ducks from the park what kind of country is this.

Bart Simpson said the Haitian immigrants in Springfield ate his shorts.

They’re putting Coke in our Oreos, litter boxes in public school bathrooms, and wokeism in our balls.

Most of Christian apologetics amounts to: “Everything that’s a still a mystery needs an explanation and that explanation must be god because we’re defining things this way and god also needs no explanation also because of how we’ve defined him.”

Only I’m good enough to be looking at my phone while I drive, it should be illegal for everyone else.