The scream I just let out.. #Swimming

Them Airfryers are dangerous...

Twitter Olympics

The first two are a Scottish person looking for their Vauxhall.

I’m deleting this app for a bit. Not saying I won’t be back but it’s poison for the mind. Everyone is arguing, nobody is checking facts, everything is misquoted. We are divided. The establishment’s dream. I woke up feeling great ahead of a weekend with my family. Literally

Just popped back to this hellsite to announce that since I joined Threads my hair grew back, my willie got bigger and (even more bizarrely) my student loan is paid off!

With the new government's commitment to recruiting 6500 new teachers, perhaps this fantastic video by the very funny Sam Avery could provide some inspiration for the recruitment campaign and strategy 🤣 youtu.be/Hj19vgyp7t4?si…

Nice to see this video getting love from the teachers. When I first posted back in January I got some humourless replies that ‘Inset days aren’t like that at all!’ Yeah, it wasn’t meant to be factual 🤣

The first time Howard Kendall left.

Grenfell Inquiry

Never saw Queen Elizabeth singing the National Anthem.

This aged well.

Launching a new Social Media Platform:

🗣 "Everyone can sing an Oasis song... and having 9 pints beforehand didn't inhibit your performance!" Is an Oasis reunion the ULTIMATE nostalgia? 1878 OUT NOW youtu.be/U9hKMf3LA-o 𝗣𝗘𝗗 🇪🇺 @DavidVitty @Sam__Avery

You can’t write ‘trigger warning’ on the actual photo that’s triggering! That’s not a warning! That’s a watermark! 🤣

😆 Following our sold-out show at Impossible in York, Hilarity Bites Comedy Club returns on Thursday 3rd October 🎤 Jonny Awsum 🎤 Bethany Black 🎤 Peter Brush 🎤 Sam Avery 🎟️ Tickets for this show are £15 per person ℹ️ hilaritybites.co.uk/show/york-octo…

Funny cuz Elon was the kid on the cover of Evil Empire

The guns have fallen silent. The stars have aligned. The great wait is over. Come see. It will not be televised. EDIT: Turns out I left Rock Band in the loft too long and it’s fucked. Bastard.