“The only time you can’t afford to fail is the last time you try. It follows that if you never quit trying, you never really failed.” - Charles Kettering

My kids learn far more from me by watching how I deal with failure - even (maybe especially!) the worst kinds of failure - than all my getting it right could ever teach them. #TheArtOfGettingItWrong

Reese just unironically put Creed on the Alexa and then asked me if I wanna go see them in concert with her. Yes. Yes I do. #90sButtRockForTheWin

All I know is Kendrick and Drake are both making $$$$$$$$$ right now.

Your family isn’t in the way. They are the way. #UnsungHero

The Olympics announcer just told Lebron James that he's an "Elder Statesman." He's 39. I can't decide whether or not to be offended or honored that I am a more Elderly Statesman than Lebron.

I think we can all agree that we need more Willem Dafoe voiceover commercials.

I’m officially old. I was sitting down, minding my own business, watching elite athletes dominate in the Olympics when all of a sudden, I turned my neck & hurt myself. Next thing you know, I’ll be drinking prune juice with a basket of Werther’s on my coffee table, watching golf.

I have a sneaking suspicion Hell will involve eternities of holding your hands under the faucet sensor waiting for water to come on, but never does. You try every position & distance imagineable. You move to a different faucet & give it a try. But your hands stay dirty… forever.