Twitter Beğeni Hilesi

Can’t decide if I should do laundry or fake my own death.

Looks are great but if your personality doesn't scare me a little, it'll never last

when one door closes, lock it

Just sitting here relaxing, releasing gases at a somewhat constant interval.

Congrats to you for surviving inflation so your reward is more inflation

Never underestimate the dangers of an idiot.

If you see me walking around with a purse full of chicken nuggies, mind ya business.

The main reward for doing a good job is just more work

I really do want to be a nice person but everyone is so fucking stupid

I can’t wait until I have hearing aids, so I can turn them off when people bore me.

Serious talk at the office of replacing me with a ping pong table.

Not everything can be based on a true story, you gotta sprinkle in some bullshit once in a while

I need a fridge with better snacks to raid.

Not me trying to remember if I said something out loud or in my head

Them: you should try meditating My anxiety: yes, being alone with nothing but *thoughts* sounds like a great idea

Thanks for asking, but no, nothing is wrong. This is how I always look.

I've been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

if I know you and we see each other in a restaurant, wave, say hi but stay at your own table.

My idea of friends with benefits is someone who would clean my fucking bathrooms.

Them: Name something you'd like to try in the bedroom Me: How about a full 8 hours of sleep