Ok, jeez.

maybe tweeting is the problem.

You’re a … what?

Monster at the end of this book.

there should be fewer tv commercials about shaving your balls.

God, I love baseball.

bro she got robbed.

As a parent, 18 holes is too many holes for mini golf.

Potato salad subscription service

Amazing news.

people on the elevator get off before new people get on.

well, all the ones that my kids got were good ones.

both kids are in public school now which means I am free from the day care industrial complex

Still getting love notes from my wife after all these years.

One key to a happy marriage: if your wife sees a plant and says “oh, that’s pretty,” find out what it is and have it planted in the yard by that weekend.

Things that are painful (in order): 1. Kidney stones 2. Childbirth 3. Getting all the way up to your office and realizing you left your coffee in your car’s cupholder.

Getting word from credible sources that Wray will escalate to a noogie if they don’t.