I was just informed that I have a reputation around the office for being “the guy with the nice pants” and it would be impossible to give me a better compliment.

I have a flight at 8:00 tonight so now I have to deal with twelve hours of notifications telling me my gate has changed.

Rate my completely packed carry-on.

Microdosing Miller lites by the pool.

Game 2 Western Conference Finals

Playing flip cup with a bunch of 23 year olds. Mr. Brightside still slaps.

Just took an ice cream break with 4 other grown men at work. Hoping we can do it again tomorrow.

This pour-over coffee maker really taught me just how difficult it is to pour coffee out of a vase (too difficult before I’ve had my coffee)

I will never truly feel successful until I can buy furniture that I don’t have to assemble myself.

Have Italians gone too far?

Can’t believe I have to watch the Emmys tonight out of fear of missing a good burger skit

Men invented Italian delis so they could speak to eachother in their made-up baby talk and casually mention how much better everything would be if their mom was there.

A gen z jeopardy champ that starts every response with “what even is…”

Realized I’m old when I bought beer with this and didn’t get asked for ID.

Realistic job titles: VP of Email Forwarding Managing Director of Following Up Global Head of Touching Base CBO- Circling Back Officer