Twitter Beğeni Hilesi

Purposely shows cop cleavage to get out of a ticket Cop: is that an olive in there?

as a child I thought 50 cent was saying “hey shorty it’s shibburdé” I just assumed shibburdé was some adult thing

if you stay off your phone, you'll realize it's still 2005 outside

It's your life, make it beautiful!

Muting my peaceful river video to listen to the neighbors fight.

They banned plastic straws before assault rifles.

Me: Time for bed! My brain: Let’s think of all the awkward things you’ve done instead!

consistency is more important than perfection

i hope you always daydream as much as you breathe each day

Added a smooth jazz radio station to my presets and now all my spam are ads for assisted living facilities in my area.

you’re outraged that certain books are allowed in the schools I’m outraged that kids are being slaughtered in the schools, we are not the same

Your dominance in the prick world is astounding young man .

Normalize rimming your drinks with cocaine instead of salt

guys i cried today and yesterday and the day before and before that

Love will always find you whether you’re winning or losing. It’s how you react that matters.

Never underrate the art of distraction

he could love me in words that I will never hear

Him: I’d like to get to know you better Me: *starts talking about myself* Him: [3 minutes later] never mind

You got to read the signs mate. They’re heartbreaking.