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Nobody: Me: Large language models don't hallucinate, they confabulate.

Breaking: Woman, 42, Misses Return Ferry and Stays On Holiday Forever. Eyewitnesses report multiple alerts about the impending departure, hinting the woman acted intentionally. The woman, however, claims she was blissfully unaware that she was expected to ever return home.

A 🧵 about women applying for things. We’ve run a postdoc seminar series for the past few years. Our selection is entirely anonymized. We read only the research statements. No CV’s, no names, no lab references. But when all was revealed this year, 8/10 finalists were male.

Another grant rejected. Sharing my cheesy inspirational Slack message to myself in the hope of attracting sponsorship from Parmigiano Reggiano instead 🧀

Witnessed a toddler tantrum after their toast was maliciously cut into squares instead of triangles. How would I react? Psychiatrist: I see that you're angry. How can I help? Neuroscientist: Prefrontal cortex, mature! Existentialist: Yep, the human condition sucks.

when your female undergrad asks you for a reference do not say 'PhD?!?!? not a modelling career?' or you'll end up in my poem as the creepy sexist guy

Catching up on post-holiday admin—could I please move to a Moravian monastery and count pink pea petals?

Excited to announce a postdoc position to use EEG+RL to identify specific mechanisms of different antidepressants within a large clinical trial tinyurl.com/4nuv6pvu. Come work with a super team acplab.org. @UCL UCL Psychiatry Wellcome UCL Queen Square Institute of Neurology Max Planck UCL Centre for Computational Psychiatry

Passing down the unwritten rules to students, one MATLAB script at a time.

Right after high school, I interviewed for a prestigious scholarship. Asked about my career goals, I truthfully said I wanted to be a GP in a rural area where GPs are most needed. Guess who went to university without a scholarship to become a clinician-scientist? #lifeTwists

No one: Absolutely no one: British academic: "Well, if you think that's bad, in America..."

Meanwhile, in biology Switzerland, the brain people ponder whether emergence from neural manifolds is the unit of consciousness.

I don't believe in biological determinism but sometimes it's a helpful parenting attitude.

"I am off sick. I will stay in bed, watch bad TV, and question my life choices over a cup of chicken broth." has become "I am unwell and will be working from home." and I don't like it.

Looking for an enthusiastic skilled stats person to work with me The Crick ensuring that the design and analysis of experiments complements the world class science carried out. crick.wd3.myworkdayjobs.com/en-US/External…

Clinical research in the UK is wild 😳 What takes months and a dozen emails in Germany can be years, hundreds of emails, and many meetings in the UK. Urgent reform is needed—thanks for calling out this issue so poignantly!

"Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something," she whispered to herself, watching her computer restart seconds before her analysis had finished.

Can we all have a moment of sympathy for DNA – it has had a rough week 🧬 First, proteins not predicted by genetic code 😮 biorxiv.org/content/10.110… Then, inheritance without genes through amyloid protein 🤯 nature.com/articles/s4155… Biology is amazing!